Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
