I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
