I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
