So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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