i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
