I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
