It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
