so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the day after is always just damage control
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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