The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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