I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
