Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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