I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
