non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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