So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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