Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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