32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
