I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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