1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime