party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
