I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.