Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  how was that guy you hooked up with?

  (415): View more from California

  i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing

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  (602): how was that guy you hooked up with? (415): i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing http://tfl.nu/opeh
  Replies (6) Good night (690) Bad night (1570)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.

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  (828): Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly. http://tfl.nu/q5lh
  Replies (14) Good night (1209) Bad night (5779)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

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  (207): Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy http://tfl.nu/f2lx
  Replies (40) Good night (4889) Bad night (2199)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.

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  (518): I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone. http://tfl.nu/dcqd
  Replies (3) Good night (2722) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  It was like die hard. Except with more penises.

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  (559): It was like die hard. Except with more penises. http://tfl.nu/fa39
  Replies (5) Good night (950) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.

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  (864): her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality. http://tfl.nu/j8og
  Replies (11) Good night (2055) Bad night (1357)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D

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  (402): Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D http://tfl.nu/eelv
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.

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  (818): I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt. http://tfl.nu/o8z5
  Replies (8) Good night (1168) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?

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  (650): So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going? http://tfl.nu/ezzp
  Replies (1) Good night (755) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'

  (406): View more from Montana

  I AM SO PROUD OF YOU

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  (307): Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina' (406): I AM SO PROUD OF YOU http://tfl.nu/0zsn
  Replies (1) Good night (670) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.

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  (812): The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle. http://tfl.nu/mnd4
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.

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  (816): That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen. http://tfl.nu/jyfn
  Replies (0) Good night (264) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.

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  (325): I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional. http://tfl.nu/f5w5
  Replies (3) Good night (765) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?

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  (704): What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it? http://tfl.nu/lfbk
  Replies (4) Good night (962) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.

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  (303): I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags. http://tfl.nu/ob1k
  Replies (1) Good night (192) Bad night (326)

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