You can't special order awesome
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.