i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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