A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
