Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
