I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize