Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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