dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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