I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
