Already got asked if we're dating
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i love accidental penises.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
