I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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