Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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