he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
