brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
did i just pee glitter
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