do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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