Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
