You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
