she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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