and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
