I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize