I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
