HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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