She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
