I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
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I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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