I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
