In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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