so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So squirting runs in the family.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
