I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
