If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize