She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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