Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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