Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
