i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
