remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
