Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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