do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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