If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
