I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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