I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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