I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
