Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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