he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
