you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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