Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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