I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
