is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
