No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
