I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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