Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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