He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
