Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think a kid would responsible me up
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
