My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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