i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
