He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
