I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
