My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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