i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
