So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
