Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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