Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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