if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
