So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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