i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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