So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
