kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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