hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
