Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
