Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
