So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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