I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
