No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
