I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
