im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
