i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
